Impure Food Item
by ShadowLeopard
Summary: Ken finds an impure food item and spazzes over it... The plot thickens! (bum bum bum) (shounen ai--> ranxschwarz pairing ^^;)


ahem. Thank you, Sadistic Paperclip, for your... erm.. cheese lube...   
  
beware: there's some strange WeißxSchwarz pairings..   
  
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impure food item   
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He was usually a very reserved person.   
  
He would never do anything that was impure or... "evil" in his own moral standards. Until his lover had suggested something rather entertaining and he was forced to buy it...   
  
"Refrigerate before and after every use."   
  
***   
  
Ken walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, looking around for some sort of breakfasty food item. He shuffled through the cupboards and found no cereal, and the fruit looked a bit rotten. He shrugged and walked to the refrigerator. He felt around for some type of pizza but failed and just grabbed the milk carton and started to drink from it.   
  
He eyed the tube of icing in his vision in the fridge and while still sucking down on the milk he did a closeup of it. He read the label. "Jelly Fantasy's Warming CHEESE LUBE."   
  
Milk squirted from every opening on Ken's face and coated the fridge.   
  
"YOHJI!!" he screamed, slamming the door shut so hard that magnets fell to the floor. "YOHJI!! GET DOWN HERE AND TAKE AWAY YOUR IMPURE FOOD ITEM!! AGGHH!"   
  
Ken ran around the kitchen with his fingers in his hair, screaming and bellowing about impurities and how he was about to *eat* those impurities...   
  
Yohji raced down the stairs and blinked. "Listen, I know those fruit are sorta rotten, but *I* didn't put them in the fridge--Ken?"   
  
Ken ran around with swirly eyes and little bubbles surrounding him until Yohji tripped him and Ken fell over.   
  
"Itaaiiiii," Ken groaned, rolling over on the floor. He looked up and saw Yohji and began screaming again.   
  
Yohji leaned down to cover Ken's mouth with a hand. "*What* are you so worked up about!?"   
  
"Mffmfmfmfmmf!"   
  
The blonde lifted his hand. "What is it?"   
  
"Item...fridge...orange...icing...supposed...food...I...milk..."   
  
Yohji's eyebrow popped up and he walked over to the milk covered fridge with the milk carton still spilling out on the floor and magnets getting all wet. He peered in and picked up the little tube.   
  
He read it aloud. "Jelly Fantasy's Warming Cheese Lube. Edible, erotic, and entertaining. Breaks the ice at parties." He glanced back at Ken as the brunette groaned about the impure item. "This isn't mine."   
  
Ken stood up immediately. Yohji wasn't one to lie about impure items, but... "Yohji, it *has* to be yours. Who else would buy... ...Cheese... lube...?"   
  
"I don't know. But it's not mine." Yohji shrugged and threw the orange tube at Ken, who screeched and dropped it on the floor. "And I think you should mop up your... Milk fiasco before Aya sees it or your ass will be grass."   
  
Ken kept spazzing.   
  
Yohji shrugged and headed back to bed. He "accidentally forgot" that today was his and Omi's shift in the morning. Oh well.   
  
***   
  
Aya's teeth grit together about having to work in the early morning with Omi again. Yohji would need to be taught some manners sooner or later and there was a Katana with Yohji's name written all over it...   
  
"...Whoa... Aya-kun! Um. I think you need to come and see this!" Omi's voice rang in the redhead's.. head and he grit his teeth together again before he threw off his apron and stomped into the other rooms. "This had *better* be important because--"   
  
Ken spazzed on the floor. The fridge was still open. There was still milk on it and all over the floor.   
  
Omi looked over at Aya. "Something put him into trauma. It must have been in the fridge. Umm... I don't know exactly *what*, though."   
  
The redhead glared at both of them, then at the fridge. He scoffed. "Must have been the rotten fruit. He'll wake up in a while. We're losing time and money. Come on."   
  
"Aya-kuun!" Omi whined pitifully. "Hi-doi!"   
  
Aya gave Omi the "Money is more important so if you don't get back into the flower shop we'll be short one flowershop worker" glare and the shorter boy wondered how one could explain so much with one glare before he followed after Aya, whining like a little cute lost puppy. Omi wagged his tail.   
  
Yes, Omi has a tail like a little lost puppy now.   
  
Ken waited until they left before standing up. He took in a deep breath before he stood up, eyed the tube, and pocketed it. He cleaned up the fridge and headed back upstairs.   
  
/Cheese lube... Who would buy cheese lube.../   
  
***   
  
Midnight seemed to be the time as he walked into the kitchen and looked into the fridge. His eyes widened. "Hell!" he whispered harshly.   
  
His *really* expensive 6 oz tube of cheese lube was missing.   
  
"Dammit... He'll kill me."   
  
He went on a search to find it.   
  
***   
  
The next day they all were up at the same time--which was a very unusual phenomenon--and Ken had a cheesy grin plastered on his face.   
  
Excuse the pun.   
  
Yohji was getting rather disturbed by this and finally broke the silence of people eating breakfast food.   
  
"Ken, what the *hell* are you so bloody happy about!?"   
  
"Nothing, nothing," he said. "Just remembering yesterday. That was pretty funny. Spazzing out the whole day. Ha ha ha... ha!"   
  
No one said anything. Ken commensed chewing on his food.   
  
/He stole my lube!/ one mind said, silently casting a glare at Ken.   
  
***   
  
"What do you mean, you don't have it?"   
  
"I think K--Siberian stole it," he said. He refused to make eyecontact.   
  
"Well why don't you get it back?"   
  
"He might have well already eaten it!! And wouldn't that be suspicious, me searching around his room?"   
  
The owner of the cheese lube's lover glanced back at three awaiting, excited faces. He shook his head. "Doesn't have it."   
  
Three voices at once. "Dammit!"   
  
***   
  
He decided that it was time to make justice be known..!!   
  
Aya burst into Ken's room. "KEN!"   
  
Ken squealed, squirting the tube a little too hard and a string of orangey paste flew out of it.   
  
Aya's eyes narrowed. "You *did* steal my cheese lube!!"   
  
Ken's eyes *widened*. "YOUR cheese lube!? Oh man. I'm gonna faint."   
  
"Die--!"   
  
"Too late." Ken fainted.   
  
Aya cursed and grabbed his abused tube of cheese lube and sullenly headed back to his lover and acquaintances.   
  
Upon reaching there he knocked on the door. "I got it," he said quietly. His lover opened the door.   
  
"Finally!"   
  
Aya walked in and sat down in a chair and looked at his lover. "Listen, Farf. He ..abused it." Aya held up the tube.   
  
Farfarello stared at the poor orange tube. "I guess that hurts God."   
  
"I wanted cheese lube for my crackers!" Nagi pouted.   
  
"It tastes just like cheese whiz, Nagi," Crawford replied.   
  
"How would YOU know, Crawford?" Nagi replied with a glare.   
  
Schuldich snickered. "Crawford has expensive tastes in exotic lubes. Cheese lube tastes better than cheese whiz, Braaadley."   
  
"Don't call me that!"   
  
Farfarello squeezed the remainder of the cheese lube onto Nagi's head. "There. Have it. I'll just go buy s'more. C'mon, Aya."   
  
Nagi glared menacingly in Farf's direction. "Whhyyy! Whhyyyyyy!"   
  
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